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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

This Blog Has Moved

If you have somehow stumbled upon this blog, please go to where it has moved and is still being updated. Thank you!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Glimmering Hope

Continued from "Super Sick" and "Is This the End for Lead Man?!"

Antony Chumbo grimaced as light from a newly opened shade poured into his eyes unannounced by a stranger.

"It's two in the afternoon," the stranger said, "Little late for a hangover."

"It's not what you think," Antony groaned.

"Oh, it is what I think," the stranger kicked the metal boot clamped to Chumbo's left leg. "Funny thing, the lead suit that keeps you alive is also slowly killing you. Who'd have thought?"

"How did you—?"

"It's my job to know. You should get that foot looked at."

"I have," Chumbo sighed, "Nothing works. I tried everything."

The stranger grinned. "Not everything."

More adventures of the Impregnable Lead Man

Thursday, May 6, 2010


From the terrace Gabi could see enemy tanks depart for Ornes to the north. The thought that they were enemies troubled her. Not only were they her fellow countrymen, but they had treated her and her mother with dignity and respect. For rebels they certainly had manners.

Gabi sighed as her thoughts now turned to her brother, fighting somewhere to the north, possibly even in Ornes itself, about to be attacked by the men she had been forced to house. If the rebels had made it this far north, what chance did the governmental army have? What chance did Jacques have?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Lost Verses to 'Oh My Darling, Clementine'

Dancing pretty, through the meadow,
It was really quite sublime.
Didn't know it was a minefield
Long-abandoned, Clementine.

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine!
Thou art lost and gone forever.
Dreadful sorry, Clementine.

Dusted off a can of carrots
Hidden back in the pantry.
Should've checked the expiration
Dated May of Eighty-Three.


On an impulse we decided
To visit the city zoo.
But you jumped the barricade,
And tried to box the kangaroo.


Sleepless nights within the lab
Playing God with DNA.
Crossed a line man was not meant to.
Monster-hybrids destroyed L.A.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Bad Dreams

I haven't slept in days. The walls wobble around me like Jell-O until I touch them and they become solid, but then the floor buckles underneath me. Still it's better than sleeping.

Because when I sleep, I dream, and I dream of him.

He chases me, laughs at me, plays with me like a cat plays with a mouse. I dare not even close my eyes anymore. His face is there. He grins that toothy grin that haunts me in the waking world.

I see people and shapes that are not there. I wonder if I'm asleep. Maybe he's gone.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Weekend in the Hospital

It was the third time that evening that he soiled himself, and the nursing assistant scolded him. "Why didn't you press the call button, Randy?" she said with the voice of a kindergarten teacher.

"I tried," he said. It wasn't Randy's fault he soiled himself, and it wasn't his fault he couldn't reply well. He did not seem to be very quick mentally, and the tests and medications he was being put through and on surely didn't help.

I lay in my bed on the other side of the curtain, praying I would never have to suffer the indignity he did.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Awesome Beard

"I haven't seen Wilson lately," said Feldman, "Where'd he get off to?"

"Oh? You didn't hear?" Lloyd's raised eyebrows dug significant ridges into his forehead. "Wilson's beard was declared a National Treasure."

"What?" Feldman nearly dropped his coffee.

"There was a resolution passed by Congress, and a ceremony at the White House and everything."

"How does a beard get declared a National Treasure?"

"Dude. You saw Wilson's beard, right? It was pretty sweet, right?"

"I guess," Feldman said reluctantly.

"So sweet the country couldn't afford to lose it," Lloyd said, "He'll be back on Monday as a loan from the Smithsonian."

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Cautionary Tale

"Hey, Eric," the responsible voice in your head says, "You have the whole day ahead of you. Why not write a story first thing, so it's out of the way."

"Nah," you say, "I still got time."

A little later the voice says, "It's your lunch break, but you could squeeze in a story. They're only 101 words long."

"I'd rather eat," you say, "and watch clips of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on Hulu."

Several days later the voice says, "Are you ever going to actually post a story?"

"You can't rush genius, voice-in-my-head!" you say refreshing Twitter yet again.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Group Therapy

"We've added some new faces to our group therapy circle, so why don't we introduce ourselves to get better acquainted?" said Dr. Keller.

"I'm Lyle, and I have an irrational fear that my fears are completely and verifiably well-founded."

"Hi. I'm Janine, and I have an unhealthy obsession with eighties rock which I also think is fresh and relevant for today."

"Yo! My name's Matthew, but my friends call me Matty G!" Dr. Keller shook his head at Matthew. "N-nobody actually calls me Matty G."

"I'm in the wrong place," the man with a real problem said, "You all need help!"

Monday, April 26, 2010

Career Preparation

"I got onto the bus as I always do, but today was different. Today, everyone gawked at me as I walked down the sticky aisle toward the back," Billy said, "I sat down next to my best friend, Robert." Billy sat down next to his best friend, Robert.

"What are you doing, Billy?" Robert asked.

"Robert asked. 'I've decided that if I want to live my dream, then I've got to start now,' I said," Billy said.

"What dream?" Robert asked.

"Robert asked, clearly too dense to understand," Billy said.


"'My dream of being a narrator,' I said," Billy said.