nEuRotIC #1: Uncontrollable Urge

Dear Internet

Dear Internet,

It's been a great ride, hasn't it? We had some good times. Remember "All Your Base"?

That's partly why I'm writing you, Internet. It used to just be you and me. We had all sorts of inside jokes that only you and me got. You were a haven for me from the outside world.

But now, everyone's on you, Internet! Everyone and their mother . . . everyone and my mother! Now it's just as embarrassing to be a geek on you as it is in real life!

It was a good run, Internet. Sorry it didn't last.

Best of luck,
~Eric

Divine Encouragement

Special one, why the frown?
Don't let life get you down.
Sure, things don't look so hot.
You'd rather be where you're not.
But smile, special one. Smile.
I know you haven't in a while.
Your heart aches; lonely and sad.
But trust me when I say, "Be glad."
You are my special one; mine alone.
Now soften your heart from stone.
Trust in me; in love divine.
My special one, you will shine.
And then you will finally see
What it means to be loved by me.

Victorian Sensibilities

"You’re a woman, right?" Greg asked with incredulity.

"I think so," Susan muttered.

"Okay, then maybe you can help me. See, I tried to ask Mary out on a date—well not really a date—just coffee, and she just wouldn’t give me a straight answer."

"Mary is a fairly old-fashioned type of girl. It is possible that you violated her Victorian sensibilities, you know?" Susan offered.

"Victorian sensibilities? I don’t want to consider Victorian sensibilities! That’s not how I sensibilitate. I’m a modern man with modern sensibilities. Sensibilities like complete masculine inability and self-worthlessness. Victorian nothing."

"Sorry. Can’t help you."