Group Therapy

"We've added some new faces to our group therapy circle, so why don't we introduce ourselves to get better acquainted?" said Dr. Keller.

"I'm Lyle, and I have an irrational fear that my fears are completely and verifiably well-founded."

"Hi. I'm Janine, and I have an unhealthy obsession with eighties rock which I also think is fresh and relevant for today."

"Yo! My name's Matthew, but my friends call me Matty G!" Dr. Keller shook his head at Matthew. "N-nobody actually calls me Matty G."

"I'm in the wrong place," the man with a real problem said, "You all need help!"

Ironically, It's How He Injured Himself in the First Place

"I'm sorry but Luke's brain dead," the doctor says, "Nothing we can do."

"No!" Cammie screams. "He's in there!" Cammie sings a whispered trembling tune. "We can dance if we want to / We can leave your friends behind / 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance—" Cammie trails off in tears.

"Well they're no friends of mine," Luke sings dryly.

Cammie continues, "I say, we can go where we want to."

"A place where they will never find."

"And we can act like we come from out of this world."

"Leave the real one far behind," they sing together.

Romantic Gesture

Matt pulls up beside Luke's parked car. Luke is sitting on the hood with a boombox raised above his head pointed toward Rachel's house.

"You've got to stop," Matt says, "People are beginning to talk."

"Let them talk," Luke says, defiant.

"Luke, this is never going to work."

"If I've learned one thing about women, it's they are romantic creatures. A bold demonstration of love will get me back into Rachel's good graces."

"Yeah, but . . . Heat of the Moment? That's the most romantic song you can play?"

"We listened to it once, well thirty seconds of it until she switched stations."

Ain't That the Way Love's Supposed to Be?

Absurd equations and notes were scrawled with a shaky and uneven hand across every available surface including the ceiling. Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield played on continuous loop as Ben laughed aloud.

"It all makes sense," Ben said either to himself, or to the imaginary people populating his mind, "When you put it all together it's all so obvious." Ben fell onto his bed with a contented sigh.

His roommate, Jeff, opened the door, "Hey, Ben we were—What have you been doing?"

Ben sat up and smiled, "She'll be mine. It's only a matter of time. I figured it out."

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

"Ever think about foregoing this bachelor lifestyle we're living and settle down?" Brian always had a way of making a car ride awkward.

"I choose to live my life based on the philosophy of the great thinkers," Kevin said, "In the immortal words of Canadian rock group, Loverboy: 'You want a piece of my heart? You better start from the start.'"

"Where else would someone start?"

"Don't you understand? It's one of those things that are so obvious that no one thinks to actually start from the start."

"Actually, I think most people start from the start."

Kevin fumed, "Shut up."

(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight

"Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane," were the first words out of Dillon's mouth.

"Are you serious? Eighties song lyrics?" Chloe was not impressed.

Dillon shrugged, "Get outta my dreams. Get into my car!"

In desperation Chloe scrambled for the emergency revolver hidden in the desk drawer. If ever there was an emergency that demanded violence as the solution, this was it. The gun leapt into her hand and—

BANG!

"W-what have I done?" Chloe voice quivered in shock.

Dillon looked down at his bleeding wound, "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad—"

BANG!

Happiness

Gerald calmly sipped his rooibos tea and flipped through the Literature section of the newspaper to give the impression that he was cultured. In reality he longed for a root beer float, a copy of The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman, and an mp3 player playing One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head on a continuous loop. It also just so happened that Rusty sat down with just that combination of articles.

"We leave our happiness at the door here," Gerald said pointing to the sign which read: No Happiness Allowed. No Exceptions.

Rusty walked away abject but happy.

Repeat the Title Over and Over

"Yes!" Kevin exclaimed as he cranked up the car radio. "I love this song."

"What is it?" asked Brian.

"Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners. You know, I am pretty sure that I do not understand about 93% of what they're singing. I try to sing along, but it just comes out in mumbles."

"You could just sing 'Come on Eileen' over and over, and at least you would be right every once in a while."

"This is true. I still love it though." Kevin sighed. "One day I'm going to google this song and find out what it's about."

Eleven Things

"I love this song! Turn it up."

Jason cranked up the radio as Journey's 'Anyway You Want It' played.

Kevin sang along, "She loves to move / She loves to groove / She loves eleven things!"

"Wait! What?" Jason interrupted. "'Eleven things'? That's not how it goes."

"Of course it is! That's how I've always sung it."

"'Eleven things'? Really? Why would she specifically love eleven things?"

"She's obviously a woman of discerning taste."

"A taste that is limited—"

"—to eleven things."

"—Eleven things."

A momentary pause.

"The lyrics are 'the lovin' things,'" Jason said.

"Now that's ridiculous!"