Crisis of Infinite Nerds

"Greetings!" a nebulous voice greets the bewildered superheroes. "I am Drenrepus of Θ-verse. My true form is inconceivable to your minds. I have taken a form you can comprehend!"

"I can't see you," Batboy says. Others murmur in agreement.

"What? Seriously? But you can hear me, right? How about now?"

"Now you're an adorable kitten," Lead Man says.

Drenrepus shrugs. "We highly evolved Θians have long been entertained by your heroic antics, but disputes have arisen as to who would win in a fight. So you will battle," Drenrepus narrows his eyes, "to the death!"

"SULK HORRIFIED BY CUTE KITTY CAT!"

To be continued!

~~~
More adventures of the St. Louis Superheroes!

Still a Monster

Continued from "The Candyman" and "Cheering Up a Sulking Sulk."
~~~

Ever since his overdose on nuclear-infused anti-depressants, Doctor Bobby Bippus became the crazed bipolar monster known as the Incredible Sulk. With every change of mood came a change of color and devastating powers.

The Sulk turned a new hue never before seen: Yellow.

"FOR FIRST TIME SULK FEEL HAPPY!"

"Success!" cried General Oppenheimer. "Good work, Candyman."

"I can wrap rainbows in a sigh," said the Candyman.

Oppenheimer sighed, "I know! I know!"

"SULK SO HAPPY!" and with a flick of his wrist, the Sulk flipped over a city bus. "SO HAPPY!"

Oppenheimer slapped the Candyman upside the head, "This isn't better!"

~~~
More adventures of the Incredible Sulk

Cheering Up a Sulking Sulk

Continued from "The Candyman."
~~~

The Incredible Sulk smashed two cars together and then let out a heavyhearted sigh, "SULK FEEL LIKE SULK SMASH THINGS JUST BECAUSE THINGS THERE AND SMASHABLE." He was beginning to turn a hue of blue to reflect his changing mood.

"I know what can cheer you up," said a man who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

"WHAT DOES CREEPY MUSTACHE MAN HAVE THAT CHEER SULK UP?"

"I take tomorrow, dip it in a dream, separate the sorrow, and collect up all the cream!"

The Sulk stood silent for a moment, "WHAT?"

"I'm the Candyman," the Candyman grumbled.

"CANDY?! SULK LOVE CANDY!"

To be continued . . .

~~~
More adventures of the Incredible Sulk

The Candyman

"We've tried taking out the Sulk with bombs and bullets, then we tried psychiatry, but that didn't work," General Oppenheimer explained to the gathering of military officials, "so now we've decided to kill the beast . . . with kindness! Say hello to the Candyman."

A good-natured man with a perpetual smile and creepy mustache approached, "Good evening, officers. Anyone care for a lollipop?"

Three hands rose.

General Oppenheimer continued, "He can take a sunrise, sprinkle it in dew, cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two."

"Who can?"

"The Candyman can. He mixes it with love and makes the world taste good."

To be continued . . .

~~~

More adventures of the Incredible Sulk

Too Many Superheroes Spoil the Save

"Help!" cried a woman tied to an overhanging pole several stories above the streets of St. Louis.

"Fear not, citizen!" came a cry from the rooftop. "Batboy is here to rescue you."

Suddenly, Lead Man flew up to the victim. "Do you acquire my assistance?"

"Lead Man?" Batboy yelled down, "Don't you dare! This is my win!"

"SULK SAVE WOMAN!" yelled Sulk from the streets below.

"I have jet boots," said Lead Man, "I can just help her right now."

"Don't you dare," Batboy yelled, "I'll save her . . . as soon as I figure out how to get down there."

"SULK HELP!"

~~~
More adventures of the St. Louis Superheroes!

Immune to Therapy

Continued from "Rise of the Psychiatrist."
~~~

The Incredible Sulk was rampaging through downtown St. Louis.

"SULK NOT BELIEVE BLUES HOCKEY TEAM NOT MAKE IT TO STANLEY CUP FINALS AGAIN!" he said as he demolished a 1999 Chevy Camaro.

The Psychiatrist stepped out into the street and yelled, "Zee Suhlk! You lash out beecauze you velt neeglecteed az a child!"

The Sulk immediately turned gray, "FUNNY-ACCENT MAN RIGHT!"

"Eggzelleent!" the Psychiatrist cackled, "I haff tamed zee beest!"

The Sulk's complexion slowly turned red, "WEIRD-SOUNDING MAN MAKE SULK FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE! SULK SMASH BEARDY-MAN INSTEAD OF DEAL WITH SULK'S UNDERLYING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS!"

"Uh-oh," the Psychiatrist said shortly before being pummeled.

~~~
More adventures of the Incredible Sulk

Rise of the Psychiatrist

"How are we supposed to deal with a bipolar monster like the Sulk?" General Oppenheimer asked to the representatives of various US military divisions.

"It ees qvite seemple, yes?" a bald bearded man in a white jacket stepped out of the shadows.

"Who are you? How'd you get in here?"

"You can call me zee Psychiatreest. You do not know how to contain zee beast known az zee Suhlk?" a large amount of phlegm dislodged as he tried to say 'Sulk.'

"You're saying you can take him down?"

"Vhen I am done vith heem, zee Suhlk vill be cured . . . of life!"

~~~
More adventures of the Incredible Sulk

The Sulk's River of Tears -sketch-

One of Sad Sulk's super-moves: River of Tears. As seen in "Lead Man vs. The Incredible Sulk."

Lead Man vs. The Incredible Sulk

"Stop right there! You've devastated downtown with your whining!" declared Lead Man to the lumbering mass of blue-colored muscle.

"BUT SULK SAD!" The Incredible Sulk cried rivers of tears and pounded on a nearby building.

Lumbering toward the Sulk, Lead Man drew back his arm for a punch. However, he found himself caught in the river of tears causing his armor to rust. Lead Man creaked to a halt.

"FUNNY!" laughed the Sulk as he turned yellow to mirror his feelings.

"Look what you did to my suit you bi-polar brute!"

The Sulk frowned and turned red. "SMASH MEAN MAN!"

"Uh-oh."

~~~
More adventures of the Impregnable Lead Man