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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Just in Case You Didn't Get It the First Time

"Let me get this straight, Ms. Reid. You are being hunted by a robot that looks and sounds like an Austrian bodybuilder–"

"–From the future," injected Julie.

"Yes, of course. And this robot–"

"–From the future–"

"–was sent back because your son is the future leader of the human resistance. And your son sent back a soldier–"

"–From the future–"

"–to protect you, and ended up being the father of your son, resulting in a time-looping paradox. Is that correct?"

Julie leaned in uncomfortably close, "From the future!" she whispered loudly.

Friday, September 5, 2008

The Search for the Fountain of Youth

"Amigos, we have almost found the fabled Fountain of Youth. I can feel it," Juan Ponce de León said with as much enthusiasm as he had when they had started their search through Florida.

"You always say that," said Francisco, "What makes you so sure this time?"

"Look at these banana trees. These bananas are much smaller than regular bananas. You could almost say they were . . . baby bananas! We are close, muchachos!"

"These may simply be a smaller variety of banana. I doubt it indicates 'youthfulness,'" said Sanchez.

"And what about this alligator . . . in a diaper?"

"You dressed it that way!"

Monday, September 1, 2008

The Hypocrisy of Peace Protests

Thousands of protesters had gathered. Perhaps with enough people protesting, the leaders of the world would finally acknowledge that war never solved anything.

As they made their way down Main Street, someone began chanting, "Love your fellow man," and the thousands soon followed. None seemed to think that the hundreds of signs comparing Bush to Hitler violated the maxim they shouted. No. He was not worthy of love.

The police began to disperse the crowds. This protest was too important to allow that to happen. The protesters lashed out in righteous anger against the riot police in the name of peace.