Brief Conceits will be moving off of Blogger onto a WordPress-powered site. The transition will happen later this week. The web address will remain the same, and if you are subscribed to the RSS that should remain the same as well. Thank you!

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Case of Science

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, The Case of the Magician, The Case of Another Detour, and The Case of the Anachronistic Quote.
~~~

Meriwether O'Malley did not acknowledge us as we entered his study. He was huddled over beakers of various colored liquids.

"Dear brother," my zombified friend, the late Shamrock O'Malley said.

Meriwether coughed and continued to stand over his chemistry set.

Shamrock and I shared glances. Shamrock's left eye fell out of its socket as we did.

"Dear brother," Shamrock tried again, "I am in need of the miraculous powers of science to free me of this gypsy curse!"

Meriwether looked up slowly. "De-zombifying Chamber on the left," he said.

"Well, that's rather a convenient development," I proclaimed.

"It's SCIENCE!" Meriwether shouted.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Johannesburg

Johannesburg is a city that sprawls over the African landscape. You can drive for what seems like forever, and you'll still be in Johannesburg. You'll drive past the quaint suburbs, the skyscrapers of the business district, the shantytowns filled with little more than shacks, the rich walled-off living areas. You're still in Jo'burg, as the locals call it

But you begin to wonder if there are actually any locals at all, or if we all have been caught in the unrelenting gravity of Johannesburg. Some have just been here longer than others. You cannot seem to leave even if you try.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Brought to You by the Letter Q

"Hey kids! It's Grusto!" a grimy puppet declares, "We're going to have all sorts of fun learning about the letter . . ." he waits for the letter to be superimposed upon the television screen. It is a Q. "Wait . . . What? Q? Are we serious? Is there any less useful letter?"

"Hey there, Grusto!" an odd-shaped puppet enters the frame.

"Who are you?" Grusto asks.

"I'm the country of Iraq," the puppet's shape now kind of makes sense, "My name ends in the letter Q."

"You know what else has a Q in it?" Grusto asks. "Quagmire. Can you say quagmire, kids at home?"

~~~
More episodes of "It's Grusto!"

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Case of the Anachronistic Quote

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, The Case of the Magician, and The Case of Another Detour.
~~~

"My brother Meriwether heads the Academy of Science," Zombie Shamrock O'Malley was beating himself up (and bits of him were flying everywhere), "It's so obvious! Why hadn't I thought of it before?"

"Perhaps it's because you lack a quarter of your brain," I observed through his skull.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, my dear Doctor Walton," O'Malley explained to me, "Therefore; it should be a simple process to reverse the gypsy magic that turned me into a zombie with one of my brother's technologies."

I momentarily dreamed of the bygone days when I would have called this ridiculous.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Thor

"It's Thursday, Pieter. Where are your sheets?" Sylvia says.

"I wasn't aware that Thursday was sheet-day," PJ mumbles.

"I want those sheets now."

"Yeah, yeah," PJ sits at the lunch table and mutters, "I've been home for three months and it's never been sheets on Thursday."

"Thursday is derived from 'Thor's Day,'" I quip, "Thor being the Norse god of thunder . . . and bed sheets."

PJ smiles, "How silly of me to forget."

"Where are those sheets?" Sylvia calls from several rooms away.

"You better get those bed sheets," Alan says, "or you will have to deal with the god of thunder."

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Compound

"Do you ever think of outside?" Matthew casually asked.

"That's crazy talk," Joey said, "There's nothing but inside."

"Why is it called inside, if there isn't an outside?"

Matthew and Joey lived inside the Compound, a large building with no windows or doors leading out.

"What we have here is special," Joey said, "You'll let all we've got pass you by because you're daydreaming about some fantasy 'outside.'"

Matthew had been digging through the wall of his compartment with a spoon. After twenty meters in, he was ready to give up until a small beam of light pierced his dark tunnel.

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Case of Another Detour

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, and The Case of the Magician.
~~~

"I'm sorry," Edward Hilton said, "but my magic tricks are beyond countering gypsy magic."

"Another dead end," the zombified remains of Shamrock O'Malley cried, "Excuse the pun, dear Walton."

"Well what do we do now?" I said with an exasperated sigh.

"If I may," Edward said, "the proper way to counter-act magic spells would be to seek the opposite of magic, yes?"

"Of course!" O'Malley snapped his fingers two different ways. "The opposite of magic is technology. To the Academy of Science!"

I sighed again as we were off yet to another location, and Shamrock's body parts were barely holding together.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Contemplation

George stood on the Golden Gate Bridge and marveled at the majestic pinks and purples of the fast-dwindling daylight hovering over the Pacific Ocean. He let out a deep sigh, because there was no one around for hundreds of miles who could enjoy it with him.

Being a self-aware zombie was not all it was cracked up to be.

"Am I a freak of nature?" George asked the demolished vehicles rusting on the bridge. "Why am I the only zombie who still knows anything? Sometimes I envy the mindless zombie horde."

George considered ending it all, but he was already dead.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Plane Ride

The air has long since become stale. My eyes can no longer focus on the tiny words printed in the book. They dance about the page, jeering me, mocking me. I fiddle with the air nozzle, but it has not miraculously begun working somehow. I push the assistance button.

BUM!

The stewardess answers, "Do you need anything sir?"

"Susan," I don't actually remember the name she gave while demonstrating how a seatbelt works, "Susan, I am ready to get off."

"I'm sorry sir, but we don't land in Johannesburg for another six hours."

My final shred of sanity crumbles into dust.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Books: The Television of Ancient Phoenicia

"Amun, help your father with—" Eshmun freezes mid-sentence as he catches his son in the most abhorrent of acts. "What are you doing, Amun?"

"Nothing," Amun quickly hides a scroll behind his back.

"Are you," Eshmun exhales loudly, "reading?!"

"It's not what it looks like," Amun pleads.

"My son is literate?" Eshmun laments theatrically. "Is there nothing more evil and corrupt than reading?"

"Father, reading is not all bad!"

"All readers do is sit around all day getting sick and fat as they consume books filled with nothing but sex and violence. What is wrong with oral tradition, I ask you?"

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Origin and Death of Asbestos-Boy

It was a grim time for the asbestos industry. Defending multiple civil cases, and fighting a growing public outcry against the use of asbestos, it was agreed that was the industry needed was a fresh face. If only the general public was made more aware of the good properties of asbestos, fortunes would turn again in their favor.

Thus Asbestos-Boy was conceived. Super strength and flexibility, resilience to extreme heat and imperviousness to chemical and electrical attacks were only a few of the asbestos-based powers of Asbestos-Boy.

Sadly, Asbestos-Boy was not impervious to cancer, asbestos's one weakness. That and respiratory disease.

~~~
More adventures of the St. Louis Superheroes!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Casey

"CASEY!" a high pitched scream echoed through the empty halls of the dusty house. "CASEY! CASEY! CASEY!"

"What? What? What?" Casey answered.

Tiffany rushed into Casey's room, which was the same as every other room in the house except for the fact that she called it. "Casey, I saw a monster!" Tiffany was gulping breast of air.

"Impossible!" Casey said. "Monsters aren't indigenous to this area!"

"Well, I saw one!"

Tiffany led Casey to the room in which the monster resided. Casey swallowed and with her bravest face on entered. Tiffany waited with grim expectations.

"It's just a chipmunk!" Casey called.

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010

A new dawn is rising.
Can you see it, dear boy?
With the rising of the sun
Comes new possibility.
Ride out and seize the day
As if there were no tomorrow.

A new year is upon us.
Who knows what may come?
Keep alive your dreams.
Follow the direction of your heart.
For if you keep hope alive
You may be pleasantly surprised.