The Case of Science

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, The Case of the Magician, The Case of Another Detour, and The Case of the Anachronistic Quote.
~~~

Meriwether O'Malley did not acknowledge us as we entered his study. He was huddled over beakers of various colored liquids.

"Dear brother," my zombified friend, the late Shamrock O'Malley said.

Meriwether coughed and continued to stand over his chemistry set.

Shamrock and I shared glances. Shamrock's left eye fell out of its socket as we did.

"Dear brother," Shamrock tried again, "I am in need of the miraculous powers of science to free me of this gypsy curse!"

Meriwether looked up slowly. "De-zombifying Chamber on the left," he said.

"Well, that's rather a convenient development," I proclaimed.

"It's SCIENCE!" Meriwether shouted.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

The Case of the Anachronistic Quote

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, The Case of the Magician, and The Case of Another Detour.
~~~

"My brother Meriwether heads the Academy of Science," Zombie Shamrock O'Malley was beating himself up (and bits of him were flying everywhere), "It's so obvious! Why hadn't I thought of it before?"

"Perhaps it's because you lack a quarter of your brain," I observed through his skull.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, my dear Doctor Walton," O'Malley explained to me, "Therefore; it should be a simple process to reverse the gypsy magic that turned me into a zombie with one of my brother's technologies."

I momentarily dreamed of the bygone days when I would have called this ridiculous.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

The Case of Another Detour

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, and The Case of the Magician.
~~~

"I'm sorry," Edward Hilton said, "but my magic tricks are beyond countering gypsy magic."

"Another dead end," the zombified remains of Shamrock O'Malley cried, "Excuse the pun, dear Walton."

"Well what do we do now?" I said with an exasperated sigh.

"If I may," Edward said, "the proper way to counter-act magic spells would be to seek the opposite of magic, yes?"

"Of course!" O'Malley snapped his fingers two different ways. "The opposite of magic is technology. To the Academy of Science!"

I sighed again as we were off yet to another location, and Shamrock's body parts were barely holding together.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

Contemplation

George stood on the Golden Gate Bridge and marveled at the majestic pinks and purples of the fast-dwindling daylight hovering over the Pacific Ocean. He let out a deep sigh, because there was no one around for hundreds of miles who could enjoy it with him.

Being a self-aware zombie was not all it was cracked up to be.

"Am I a freak of nature?" George asked the demolished vehicles rusting on the bridge. "Why am I the only zombie who still knows anything? Sometimes I envy the mindless zombie horde."

George considered ending it all, but he was already dead.

The Case of the Magician

"What are we doing out here, Shamrock?" I asked.

"Edward Hilton is the most astounding magician that I have ever known," my zombie friend said, "If anyone can cure me of my current condition, it is this man."

A small malnourished man opened the door after unlocking three bolts, "Why 'ello, Shamrock! It's been a while!" Edward took hold of Shamrock's hand and shook it off. "A really long while," Edward mused.

"You dabble in the dark magical arts then, Edward?" I asked.

"Card tricks," he admitted.

"What?" I stammered.

"Oh, but Walton, they're very good card tricks!" Shamrock assured me.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

Fleshed Out

The devastated urban landscape slowly fell apart. Like most of the inhabitants of earth, the structures of civilization were also slowly decomposing and devouring themselves until eventually it would be gone.

However, nature also has its unexpected quirks. While most of humanity had become mindless flesh-eating zombies, one zombie still maintained his self-awareness. His name was George.

"I think I've lost the taste for rotting flesh," George told his zombie-dog Frank (Frank was not self-aware). "I really don't care for it anymore, and sometimes I think I'm just gorging on human flesh to fit in, you know?"

Frank's tail wagged off.

~~~
More ordeals of George the self-aware zombie

The Case of the Gypsy Amulet

I draped my overcoat over my zombified friend, Shamrock O'Malley, and we quickly stole away to my residence, stopping only twice to recover various pieces that fell away from his rotting frame.

"It occurs to me," he said after we had reclined in my study (and I had draped a towel over his chair), "my resurrection stems from a magical amulet that I won off a gypsy woman in a game of chance."

"So we find the gypsy to restore your flesh anew," I said.

"That's absurd, Walton! No, we need something more potent than an itinerant gypsy magic for this!"

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

The Case of Zombie O'Malley

"I say, my dear Walton, what are you doing?"

The voice was familiar, though a bit more gravelly than I remembered. I turned around to find a half-decomposed Irishman whom I recognized as my deceased colleague, Shamrock O'Malley. "My goodness, what has happened to you, Shamrock?" I blurted out.

"Isn't it obvious, Walton? I have risen from the dead through unnatural (most likely magical) means."

"B-but that's impossible!"

"How long have you been with me, Walton, and you still don't—" Shamrock's jawbone detached from his skull. He sighed and reattached it, "Quite an inconvenience being of the living dead."

I shuddered.

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

Like Zombies Are Totally Whatever

"Did I just hear 'brains' said with an inflection indicating the possibility of cognitive thought!?" George the self-aware zombie began scanning the mass of doddering undead.

"Brains?" one of the zombies said again. Her hair, though blood-soaked, was blonde with blonder highlights. Her clothes disheveled and also blood-soaked were designer by the looks of it. She had the orange hue of spray-on tan.

"Finally, a zombie I can have an actual conversation with!" George declared.

"Brains?" the she-zombie said, and stumbled passed George without even a glance.

Apparently, even when zombies, valley girls still say everything in the form of questions.

~~~
More ordeals of George the self-aware zombie

George Attempts Reason

"Look. All I'm saying is that if the living over in that house are well supplied with ammunition and are easily taking us out, we might as well just go look for an easier target. A defenseless small child, perhaps?" George the self-aware zombie tried to reason with his non-self-aware brethren.

"Braaaaaaaaainssssss," hissed the zombies as they hobbled toward the house in question, getting decimated by heavy gunfire in the process.

"I know they're incredibly tasty, but listen to reason!" George pleaded.

"Braaaainnnnnnnns."

"I'm beginning to think you guys don't have any brains! Fine! Get shot for all I care!"

"Brains?"

~~~
More ordeals of George the self-aware zombie

George the Self-Aware Zombie

"You ever get the feeling like all this 'feasting on the flesh of the living' may end up being detrimental to the stability of society as we know it?" George the self-aware zombie offered as general conversation to his fellow zombies as they munched on the remains of a CPA.

"Braaaaainsssss," came the standard zombie reply to any of George's inquiries.

George continued as if it was a legitimate answer to his question. "I just don't know if this gluttonous and decadent lifestyle we have for ourselves is sustainable. Eventually the living will become a scarcity."

"Brrrrrainnnss," replied the other zombies.