"You are meant for great things," said a voice in the desert on the seventh day of my meditation.
"What are you?" I asked.
"Your spirit guide," it explained.
"No, I mean, what are you?"
"I-I'm a tapir," Tapir the spirit guide said.
"What's a tapir?"
"A South American mammal."
I stared blankly.
"Look," said Tapir, "Are we going on this journey of spiritual enlightenment or not?"
"I think I'll wait for a better animal," I said.
"Whatever!" Tapir disappeared into the desert night.
"I don't believe I'm suited to this environment," Manatee said flopping in the sand the next day.
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