An Ode to Coffee

O coffee, sweetest of bitter brews!
It is for you I crave in the early hours.
From the depths of sleep you save me.
"Awake!" you cry in the morning.
"O slumbering man, awake!
Awake from your dreams and begin to dream
Of a bright future that starts with a single cup.
Forget you now drink the whole pot.
Avoid the discussion of caffeine addiction.
Ignore the fact you've personified coffee in a poem."
O coffee, my dear and only friend!
I cannot live without you.
I don't have a problem, do I, coffee?
You'd never lie to me, coffee, right?

Change

"Look. I'm not trying to change you. I'm just saying everything you're doing now has got to change."

"I'm not sure I understand the difference," Randy rubbed his throbbing head.

"I'm not interested in making you someone you aren't," Mr. Miller explained, "That wouldn't be good for you. I want you to be the best you you can possibly be."

"Okay?"

"And to be the best you you'll need to change everything."

"See, this is where you lose me," Randy said, "It really does seem like you're wanting to change me."

"No, no, no," said Mr. Miller, "Just everything about you."

Refind Your Happiness

"How are you doing today?" she asked after taking my order

"I'm fine," I said, "How are you?"

"I'm okay, or I will be okay," the Starbucks barista sighed, "Want to try a sample?" She handed me a chocolate chip cookie piece.

"Sure."

"It's good, isn't it? Just like homemade. They make me happy—made me happy," her eyes looked off to nowhere.

"They don't make you happy anymore?" I asked.

"I haven't had one in a long time," she sighed again, "Venti Americano with cream."

I take my order, "Why don't you refind your happiness in a chocolate chip cookie?"

Crisis of Infinite Nerds

"Greetings!" a nebulous voice greets the bewildered superheroes. "I am Drenrepus of Θ-verse. My true form is inconceivable to your minds. I have taken a form you can comprehend!"

"I can't see you," Batboy says. Others murmur in agreement.

"What? Seriously? But you can hear me, right? How about now?"

"Now you're an adorable kitten," Lead Man says.

Drenrepus shrugs. "We highly evolved Θians have long been entertained by your heroic antics, but disputes have arisen as to who would win in a fight. So you will battle," Drenrepus narrows his eyes, "to the death!"

"SULK HORRIFIED BY CUTE KITTY CAT!"

To be continued!

~~~
More adventures of the St. Louis Superheroes!

The Pants Paradox

Tonight was the night. Marcus was finally going out with Rachel. He put on his favorite pants for the occasion.

"Stop!" Future-Marcus and the professor rushed in. "I can't explain now, but if you wear those pants our life will be ruined. I had the professor build a time machine just to warn you—me!"

"Okay, then I'll change my paaaaaaaaaaaa—" Marcus faded from existence.

"What happened?" Future-Marcus asked.

The professor stroked his chin, "Apparently those horrendous pants were essential to the time-space continuum and without them Marcus voided himself from existence."

"Then why am I still here?"

The professor shrugged.

There's a Nap for That

Rip van Winkle shot awake. "Why do I have a beard?" he said scratching it. Then it dawned on him, "I must have been asleep for years. I'm in the future!"

Rip raced to the local coffee shop his friends used to hang out at. Justin was sitting in the corner. "Hey, Rip," he called, "Long time no see."

"Yeah, I know."

"Check it out," Justin said smugly, "an iPad."

Rip eyed it over warily. "This isn't right. Why is it bigger than an iPhone, but has less functionality?" Then it dawned on Rip again, "Unless . . . I slept backwards through time!"

Ironically, It's How He Injured Himself in the First Place

"I'm sorry but Luke's brain dead," the doctor says, "Nothing we can do."

"No!" Cammie screams. "He's in there!" Cammie sings a whispered trembling tune. "We can dance if we want to / We can leave your friends behind / 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance—" Cammie trails off in tears.

"Well they're no friends of mine," Luke sings dryly.

Cammie continues, "I say, we can go where we want to."

"A place where they will never find."

"And we can act like we come from out of this world."

"Leave the real one far behind," they sing together.

Hillbilly Politics

"'Ey, Cletus?"

"Yeah, Jim Bob?"

"Ya ever think tha fed'r'l guvament has too much power?"

"Sometimes."

"I hear Jethro talkin' 'bout how we's shouldn' have tack-shay-shun without rep-re-say-shun."

"But we have rep-re-say-shun, Jim Bob."

"Naugh after I refused ta respond ta tha sin-suhs."

"Now why ya do that, Jim Bob?"

"It hain't what tha foundin' fathers intended, I hear Jethro say."

"So Jethro says tha foundin' fathers hain't intended the sin-suhs to ah-pro-pree-payt rep-re-say-shun in ta Congriss?"

"Accordin' ta Jethro, Cletus."

"Then why they write it in tha Con-stitch-tu-shun, Jim Bob?"

"Huh. Ha'n't thought o' that, Cletus."

"Surely naugh, Jim Bob."

~~~
More discussions between Jim Bob an' Cletus

Constructed Reality

"Morning, honey," Leslie says as I enter the kitchen, "I already made coffee."

"Thanks," I say pouring myself a cup, "Why are you always so good to me?"

"Maybe because I am a construct of your mind," Leslie vanishes at the realization of her self-negating statement.

I stare into the space she was occupying only a few moments ago and sigh. This has been happening to me a little too often lately. I lift my mug to my mouth and realize something is missing. "Come on! The coffee was a construct, too?" I say to no one. "That's crossing the line!"

Why?

"Why?" was all she said.

Her voice cut deep and lodged itself into his gut. Inside it just echoed until all he could hear was her voice. It vibrated in his head, in his soul.

"That's what I wanted to ask you," he finally said, "I'd imagine you standing there. I'd ask you 'why,' and imagine a hundred different answers each less satisfying than the last."

She kept her stern face and stance, but her eyes betrayed her, but only for a second. "You have no right," she said, eyes tearful, "No right to ask me anything."

"I have every right."