The Case of the Fourth Wall

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, The Case of the Magician, The Case of Another Detour, The Case of the Anachronistic Quote, and The Case of Science.
~~~

Shamrock O'Malley and I sat in our study, as we often had before.

"Like old times," I reminisced.

"Indeed," Shamrock noted, "Except for the convoluted way in which I somehow came back to life. I dare say if this were a story and not real life, I would say the author of our tale wasn't really trying."

"In any case," I said, "things are back to normal."

"Quite right," Shamrock agreed but not for long, "though if the events of today would foreshadow anything, it would be that our new adventures just won't have the spark they had before I died."

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O'Malley

The Case of Science

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, The Case of the Magician, The Case of Another Detour, and The Case of the Anachronistic Quote.
~~~

Meriwether O'Malley did not acknowledge us as we entered his study. He was huddled over beakers of various colored liquids.

"Dear brother," my zombified friend, the late Shamrock O'Malley said.

Meriwether coughed and continued to stand over his chemistry set.

Shamrock and I shared glances. Shamrock's left eye fell out of its socket as we did.

"Dear brother," Shamrock tried again, "I am in need of the miraculous powers of science to free me of this gypsy curse!"

Meriwether looked up slowly. "De-zombifying Chamber on the left," he said.

"Well, that's rather a convenient development," I proclaimed.

"It's SCIENCE!" Meriwether shouted.

~~~
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The Case of the Anachronistic Quote

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, The Case of the Magician, and The Case of Another Detour.
~~~

"My brother Meriwether heads the Academy of Science," Zombie Shamrock O'Malley was beating himself up (and bits of him were flying everywhere), "It's so obvious! Why hadn't I thought of it before?"

"Perhaps it's because you lack a quarter of your brain," I observed through his skull.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, my dear Doctor Walton," O'Malley explained to me, "Therefore; it should be a simple process to reverse the gypsy magic that turned me into a zombie with one of my brother's technologies."

I momentarily dreamed of the bygone days when I would have called this ridiculous.

~~~
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The Case of Another Detour

Continued from The Case of Doctor Walton, The Case of Zombie O'Malley, The Case of the Gypsy Amulet, and The Case of the Magician.
~~~

"I'm sorry," Edward Hilton said, "but my magic tricks are beyond countering gypsy magic."

"Another dead end," the zombified remains of Shamrock O'Malley cried, "Excuse the pun, dear Walton."

"Well what do we do now?" I said with an exasperated sigh.

"If I may," Edward said, "the proper way to counter-act magic spells would be to seek the opposite of magic, yes?"

"Of course!" O'Malley snapped his fingers two different ways. "The opposite of magic is technology. To the Academy of Science!"

I sighed again as we were off yet to another location, and Shamrock's body parts were barely holding together.

~~~
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The Case of the Magician

"What are we doing out here, Shamrock?" I asked.

"Edward Hilton is the most astounding magician that I have ever known," my zombie friend said, "If anyone can cure me of my current condition, it is this man."

A small malnourished man opened the door after unlocking three bolts, "Why 'ello, Shamrock! It's been a while!" Edward took hold of Shamrock's hand and shook it off. "A really long while," Edward mused.

"You dabble in the dark magical arts then, Edward?" I asked.

"Card tricks," he admitted.

"What?" I stammered.

"Oh, but Walton, they're very good card tricks!" Shamrock assured me.

~~~
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The Case of the Gypsy Amulet

I draped my overcoat over my zombified friend, Shamrock O'Malley, and we quickly stole away to my residence, stopping only twice to recover various pieces that fell away from his rotting frame.

"It occurs to me," he said after we had reclined in my study (and I had draped a towel over his chair), "my resurrection stems from a magical amulet that I won off a gypsy woman in a game of chance."

"So we find the gypsy to restore your flesh anew," I said.

"That's absurd, Walton! No, we need something more potent than an itinerant gypsy magic for this!"

~~~
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The Case of Zombie O'Malley

"I say, my dear Walton, what are you doing?"

The voice was familiar, though a bit more gravelly than I remembered. I turned around to find a half-decomposed Irishman whom I recognized as my deceased colleague, Shamrock O'Malley. "My goodness, what has happened to you, Shamrock?" I blurted out.

"Isn't it obvious, Walton? I have risen from the dead through unnatural (most likely magical) means."

"B-but that's impossible!"

"How long have you been with me, Walton, and you still don't—" Shamrock's jawbone detached from his skull. He sighed and reattached it, "Quite an inconvenience being of the living dead."

I shuddered.

~~~
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The Case of Doctor Walton

Three years had passed since untimely end of my friend Shamrock O'Malley. Even with the passage of time, the void that he left could not be filled.

I had misplaced my favorite bowler, and it occurred to me Shamrock would have implicated elves or mechanical rats powered by steam or some such nonsense. The thought of Shamrock's profound propensity to come up with the most convoluted explanations for the simplest of problems made me smile.

I visited Shamrock's grave that day. Emotions welled up in me and I fell to my knees.

"I say, my dear Walton, what are you doing?"

~~~
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The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley- Finale

Continued from "The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley" Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4.
~~~

Shamrock O'Malley pounced on the clock-timer device, and Professor Montgomery grabbed for it as well. Their struggle knocked them all about Montgomery's office.

"Shamrock, watch out for the window!" I cried, but too late. Shamrock and Montgomery fell out the open window and onto the street below with a spine-chilling crack. I hurried to the street below finding both men beyond hope. The device was also smashed to bits.

The Netherlands was never destroyed by a giant-space-laser. I don't know for certain if it ever existed, but for my friend, the late Shamrock O'Malley, I will believe it was the case.

~~~
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The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley- Part 4

Continued from "The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley" Parts 1, 2, and 3.
~~~

I turned around to see Professor Montgomery doubled over with laughter. "I'm sorry," he said between fits of laughter, "I can no longer contain myself! I fooled everyone except this idiot oaf of an Irishman."

Shamrock stiffened with anger.

"Not even that genius cocaine-addict Holmes discovered my plans, but this bumbling conspiracy nut found me out," Montgomery continued, "Too little, too late, I'm afraid. The countdown has already begun!" With a whip of his wrist, he uncovered a ticking clock. "When this reaches midnight, my giant-space-laser shall incinerate the Netherlands!"

"Why the Netherlands?" I inquired.

Montgomery shrugged, "I hate the Dutch."

To be continued . . .

~~~
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The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley- Part 3

Continued from "The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley" and "The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley- Part 2."
~~~

Shamrock O'Malley had curled up in a corner of Professor Montgomery's office and began muttering to himself. Montgomery and I both stood watching him in utter befuddlement.

"I'm a doctor," I said, "but I'm not trained in diagnosing mental disorders."

"I do not have a mental disorder!" Shamrock declared.

"Come now," I said, "All your explanations are ridiculous: Space aliens, sasquatches, pirates—"

"The pirate was real!"

"Granted. But now a giant-space-laser controlled by a Professor of Rainy-Day Activities?"

I could not continue my thought, because at that moment Professor Montgomery began to laugh a laugh that chilled to the bone.

To be continued . . .

~~~
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The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley- Part 2

Continued from "The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley."
~~~

"Come in," Professor Montgomery said as Shamrock and I entered his office, "I have an appointment with a student in thirty minutes, so can we get to the point?"

"Fiend!" Shamrock O'Malley cried, "Indoctrinating the youth! Does your evil know no bounds?"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play coy with me," O'Malley grabbed Montgomery by the shirt collar, "Tell me where the giant-space-laser controls are!"

"Shamrock," I shouted, "This is preposterous! Even if this man were as evil as you say, how is a 'giant-space-laser' even possible? Maybe it's time to give up these crazy conspiracy theories."

"Et tu, dear Walton? Et tu!?"

To be continued . . .

~~~
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The Case of the Death of Shamrock O'Malley

It saddens me, dear reader, that I must now recount to you what will be the final case of the late Shamrock O'Malley.

Shamrock was convinced the evil Professor Montgomery (Professor of Home Crafts and Rainy-Day Activities at Victorian England Community College (VECC)) had set in motion a series of minor distractions to obscure his plans to destroy the earth via giant-space-laser. I asked Shamrock what a "laser" was, and he said, "Elementary, my dear Walton," and nothing more.

We arrived at Montgomery's office during his specified office hours (3-5 PM Tuesdays and Thursdays). He was waiting for us.

To be continued . . .

~~~
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The Case of the Case

We both stood over the case, Shamrock O'Malley and I. "What do you make of this, my dear Walton?" Shamrock asked me. "This leather case is neither yours nor mine, but it has found its way into our very home!"

"Well, I imagine one of our recent visitors accidentally left it."

"Pish posh," O'Malley waved off the suggestion as if it were a foul stench. "Clearly it is the work of my arch-nemesis, Professor Montgomery!"

"Notice the embossed name?" I asked. "Mr. James Washburn. He had that strange letter that turned out to be intended for his neighbor."

"Montgomery!" Shamrock screamed.

~~~
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The Case of the Tricky Pirate- Part 2

Continued from "The Case of the Tricky Pirate."
~~~

Shamrock O'Malley and I arrived at the nearest dock set on the Thames. Shamrock scoured the dock for signs of pirate activity.

"Even if your hypothesis is correct," said I, "how are we going to find a pirate?"

"Elementary, my dear Walton," said Shamrock, "We look for the Jolly Roger, and there it is!" Shamrock pointed out a hundred-year-old frigate flying the skull and crossbones.

We ran to the pirate ship where aboard stood a peg-legged man holding a stick with a boot connected to it. "Arrrr! You'll never catch me alive!"

"I can't believe it," I said, "Shamrock . . . was right!" 

~~~
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The Case of the Tricky Pirate

"It appears we missed our opportunity at catching the criminal. But not to worry, for the case is afoot, or rather a leg!" said Shamrock O'Malley.

"I don't follow," I said trying to understand Shamrock's logic.

"Dr. Walton, if you notice here in the snow, a small circular imprint by the boot imprints, clearly indicating that our culprit has a peg-leg and is therefore a pirate!"

"But there are both right and left boot imprints. Would that not rather indicate use of a cane?"

"Merely pirate treachery to lead us off the scent! To the harbor!"

I sighed as I followed.

~~~
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The Case of the Conspiracy Theories

"What are you working on, O'Malley?" I said entering Shamrock's study.

"Well, Walton, you know that the smallest facts often lead to unraveling the most confusing cases?"

"Indeed. I read an article by Mr. Holmes about deciphering differences in tobacco ashes."

"Bah! How many people smoke in Victorian London? Seriously? No, I'm interested in profitable areas of investigation: Ascertaining Sasquatch hair!"

". . . Why?"

"Sasquatch attacks account for 87 percent of all homicides, but they hide by shaving and blending in with humans. Find the Sasquatch; find the murderer!"

O'Malley's 563 page treatise Discovering Hidden Sasquatches Among Us failed to find a publisher.

~~~
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The Case of the Clueless Detective

Before Shamrock O'Malley and I lay a man, Mr. Jacob Hathaway, dead in the middle of his study. He had been stabbed in the small of the back with an intricately carved knife of Oriental origin. However, he had been found with all the doors and windows of the study locked from the inside. How could a murder take place within a locked room?

"I'm certainly confounded," I confessed.

"It's elementary, my dear Walton."

"Go on then, Shamrock."

"Space aliens did this. Yes. Space aliens and magic."

I later heard that some upstart from Baker Street actually did solve the case.