The man on the TV keeps saying that it's safe to go outside, but I just can't believe him. His hair is just too good-looking. It could only have been done by alien invaders . . . or ChiComs. Either one is equally as bad, so I'll just stay inside. Obviously, if aliens or Chinese people invaded, they could not get to me at all. I double-locked the front door.
The TV has moved on to a segment about a presidential visit to Africa. Fools. Don't they know that that is a clever clone and/or robot duplicate? Why can nobody see this except me?
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