Running Away to Paradise

Why does the world seem to be so wrong?
Where are the answers to it all?
The nights are cruel, and the days are long.
Wondering when you'll stop your fall.
And you say,
"I want to run away to paradise.
No pain, no hurt, nothing to agonize.
I want to run away to paradise.
Will you come with me tonight?"

Is it wrong to want to run away?
Can you just leave it all behind?
Is there any worth in trying to stay?
These thoughts are drowning out my mind.
And I say,
"I want to run away to paradise.
No pain, no hurt, nothing to agonize.
I want to run away to paradise.
Will you come with me tonight?"

The Wizard's Apprentice and the Girl

"Why are you lying up on the roof?"

Hal rose from his spot to spy a girl standing on the path that ran into town. He returned his gaze to the sky and said, "Because up until this moment, no one ever bothered me while I was up here."

"This is the wizard's house. Are you the apprentice?"

"Yes, and I'm studying."

"Studying? Without books?"

"Silly girl! A wizard's books are the elements themselves!" Hal spread his arms out toward the sky for emphasis.

"It looks to me like you're cloud watching."

Hal folded his arms, "So?"

"May I join you?"

Saving Money Part Two

Continued from "Saving Money"
~~~

I brought my purchase up to counter as casually as possible. The employee spied my cup and then her bloodshot eyes took hold of my eyes and peered deep into my soul. The words I dreaded to hear croaked out in emphysema-laden breaths, "Is that coffee in the cup?"

That's it, I thought, the jig is up. She knows I just filled the cup with creamer, effectively saving myself 53 cents by avoiding the overpriced grocery market. "Yes," I said in a completely unconvincing voice.

"One twenty-seven," she said.

I quickly paid and made off with my prize. The perfect crime!

Indecision

The door closed with a slow creak and a deafening click. Just like that she was gone, and I just let her leave.

I stood there staring at the door; not sure of what I expected to happen. I wasn't even sure of what I wanted to happen. Was it supposed to be this easy? Should I follow her? Should I wait and see if she comes back?

Every moment I let slip away, the farther she slipped away. Every moment that passed, the realization that she wasn't coming back crushed my heart little by little.

And I just stood there.

Saving Money

"I can't believe the prices of these groceries!" Ben told his wife, Lisa, as they purveyed the dairy aisle. "It's highway robbery except it's a grocery store . . . and also I'm still purchasing something, but you know what I'm getting at."

Lisa grabbed a carton of half and half from the cooler.

"Three bucks for some half and half?" Ben exclaimed.

"But I like some with my coffee."

"They give away spurts of half and half at the coffee machine in the gas station down the street. Just fill up a coffee cup and put a lid on it. They'll never know."

Memories Only Die When New Ones Are Not Made

He stopped and turned. The city he had lived in his entire life was soon going to slip over the horizon, perhaps never to be seen again. A sigh escaped his lips as joyful memories flooded his mind. There was still time to turn back. But for what? Memories?

He turned back toward the new horizon. There lay countless new possibilities free from the disappointments of yesteryear. On that horizon lay hope; lay life anew. To stay behind for memory's sake would be to abandon what made those memories so meaningful.

The city sank into the horizon with the setting sun.

A New Galactic Federation President

B'jnktl the news alien wiped a tear from one of his seven eyes. "Ladies, gentlemen and gleeborts, we have just witnessed history in the making! The Galactic Federation has broken down yet another barrier of prejudice by electing for the first time someone named Vithor Lovenstein to the office of president! Truly this is a remarkable advancement in the civil rights of people named Vithor Lovenstein."

CoventionalThinkingBot5000, GNN's chief political analyst, broke in as B'jnktl's voice began to falter from the enormity of the moment, "This is comparable to the election of Q*bert Johnson, the first president with a ridiculous-name-even-by-galactic-federation-standards name."

~~~
More stories concerning Galactic Federation Politics

Past His Prime

"Greetings, Lead Man," the voice of Count Von Mürder crackled over the 1960's-era intercom system, "I congratulate you for finding my Mürder Cave–" the intercom hissed over the monologue.

Lead Man took the opportunity to examine his surroundings. Count Von Mürder apparently did not have a lot of success after the 70's. His lair was more a museum of antique supervillainy.

The intercom squealed and returned to audibility, "–never calls. My son legally changed his name to 'Von Maur;' told me 'Mürder' wasn't even actual German–"

Lead Man sighed. He was going to be here for a while.

~~~
More adventures of the Impregnable Lead Man

Philip and Percival

"This is most unacceptable, Philip," Percival muttered as he looked over Philip's history homework. "Most unacceptable," he repeated for emphasis.

"What's wrong?" Philip asked his smarter-than-average pet hamster.

"For starters," Percival adjusted his glasses, "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson was most definitely not the first president, and his vice president was not Kermit the Frog."

"Oh, Percival, how will I pass tomorrow's test if I don't know the answers?"

"You could study."

"Meh," Philip shrugged.

Percival pondered a moment. "I've got it! I shall attach myself to your face as a clever beard disguise so that I can give you the answers!"

Rain

Rain, rain, don't go away.
Please stay around for today.
My body is weak, and my soul is dry.
It's time for someone else to cry.
Take my bruised and battered soul;
Wash it, cleanse it, make it whole.
Rain, rain, wash me away.
Carry me off to a brighter day;
To the sea where troubles are no more.
Take me to that distant shore.
The sun rises where sky and sea collide,
And on that horizon I will hide.
Rain, rain, don't go away.
Please stay around for today.