Father Flavian's Discount Icon and Relic Emporium

An unusually loud monk standing outside a nationwide chain store in a television commercial, "Come on down to Father Flavian's Discount Icon and Relic Emporium today! We've got all your articles of questionable religious significance at prices so low, you'd think we were mass producing fraudulent replicas which . . . ha ha . . . of course we're not, cause we're religious! And everyone knows it's impossible for religious people to be evil! We have bones of various saints, splinters of the original cross, holy grails, shrouds with shadowy images, and much much more! Be saved and save at Father Flavian's Discount Icon and Relic Emporium!"